7.18.2010

And In The Blink Of An Eye ... He Was Gone

We loaded the car early this morning as the sun was rising. Far earlier than anyone should be awake on a Sunday. Matt went back inside to kiss the kids goodbye one last time, and then stalled in the doorway as he gave the dog a last pat on her head. We left the house just as the newspaper was being delivered.

We didn't talk too much on the drive. In fact, the silence in the air was deafening.

The ride to the airport seemed to take much less time than normal. Maybe it's because there wasn't a lick of traffic. Maybe it's because I was concentrating so hard on not tearing up that I didn't notice anything but the road in front of me. All I can remember was that I wanted time to linger. To go as slowly as possible. To enjoy my last few moments with my husband in the flesh ...

We pulled into the airport at 6:30 am, and in no time I drove up to the curb at Terminal 7 so Matt could unload his bags. We slowly got out of the car. We shuffled our feet. We both put on our sunglasses.

Our goodbye was quick. Neither of us were ready to part ways, nor did we know what to say. So we hugged. We kissed. We cried. He whispered a few sweet words... He reminded me how much he loved me. He thanked me. He asked me to take care of his children.

And then we both turned and walked away.





DC this week. Onto Baghdad, Iraq next week.

Today begins our 53-week journey with my new role as a single mom. Continue along as I document the highs and lows of our life apart from daddy, and what it's like for the kids back in the US after seven years overseas. It may not always be rosy... but it'll definitely be real.

54 comments:

Robin said...

(((hug)))

I wish that I was close enough to be able to support you in person - take you out for coffee, watch the kids when you need a break, go to the beach and complain about the sand...

Know though that a virtual hand to hold and shoulder to lean on are being extended across the miles.

The Bald Guy said...

Hugs. Good Luck. Am praying for you guys.

Liz said...

I know exactly how that drive to the airport feels. Thinking of you and your family. Hang tough!

DelhiBound said...

Thinking of you while you embark on a new journey ...

You are strong, witty, creative and an amazing momma and wife. We in the blog-o-sphere are here when you need someone to remind you of all of that.

Please tell Matt - next time you talk to him - that our family greatly appreciates his service to our country ... and we acknowledge and appreciate the service and sacrifice that you and the kids are giving as well!!!!

Z. Marie said...

Oh, Jill, this made me cry.

I am Barking Mad said...

I couldn't help but tear up as I read this.

My 20 year old daughter Meg recently left for her permanent duty base in the UK, via the USAF and she just received word that she will be deploying to Afghanistan in the very near future.

Please thank your husband for me...this is just a hard, but yet important thing he does, made no easier by the fact that he has a wife and small children at home.

Know that I'll be thinking of you all, often, and saying a prayer for you all, every day.

Audrey at Barking Mad

Christy said...

I'm tearing up for you Jill. I know you'll manage, but it'll be damn hard. Big hug. I can't wait to see you in less than three weeks!

OHmommy said...

HUGE hugs Jill.

I'll Take Mine... said...

I have been thinking of you all for days. I wish you continued strength.

Hug those kiddies.

I'll Take Mine... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sara said...

I too cried, for you and for future me.

Laura said...

Just found your blog. Must be so hard. You are amazing and so brave! Good luck to you and your family.

Bfiles said...

Crying over here, too. The goodbye is the worst, but then it gets easier. You and your family are on my mind. big hug.

Ashlie-Mommycosm.com said...

De-lurking to say that my heart hurts for you.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

I am terrible with comments, and even worse when it comes to things to say. Thank you for sharing your words. I am thinking about you and your family.

Daniela Swider said...

Hope the 53 weeks fly by for you guys! Stay strong! Also cried when I read your post.

Jen said...

Going to do the same exact thing next Tuesday...so not looking forward to it. Thinking of you guys!!

Emily said...

Wow, 53 weeks is a long time. I can't imagine, and I am tearing up as I read your post. You are much stronger than I am. I don't know if I would have been able to drive at all. You amaze me.

elmoisgr8 said...

Hello Jill! I've been lurking for a bit and wanted to comment. As a current military spouse I understand what you're going through. As a potential future FSO spouse I wanted to thank you and say your blog has been informative, beautiful, raw and simply wonderful. This separation will be hard, no doubt. At times it will fly and at other times it will be like molasses. I found crying in the shower to be very cathartic! ;-) Good luck to you and your family. ~L

Headless Mom said...

((hugs)) We'll all be here for you!

Mom24 said...

I can't even imagine how hard today was...and the days leading up to today. I teared up just thinking about it. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope the time flies by for all of you. I'm here.

Michelle said...

I guess at this point, you just go into Survival Mode, and celebrate small hurdles, like making it through the day with no trips to the ER. We're all here for you, Jill, hope time speeds up a little for you.

David L. said...

Best of luck to you and the family during this temporary break-up. Remember it beats staying in India!

Jen said...

My heart just aches for you. I can't imagine having to say good by to my husband.

Good luck on this new journey.

A Daring Adventure said...

Oh Jill. So many hugs for you and your family. I also cried when I read your post. I'm so sorry for the pain and separation.

Much love to you all...

Kirsten said...

Ugh. That made me cry. I so wish we lived closer.

Crystal said...

Jill, You are my hero!! I am so inspired by you and Matt. Your sacrifice to us all is greatly appreciated. It has to be difficult to say goodbye to your husband and know that you won't live together for a year. My prayers are with you and thanks again for all you are doing for the good old U.S.A.!!!!!!

Crystal said...

Jill, You are my hero!! I am so inspired by you and Matt. Your sacrifice to us all is greatly appreciated. It has to be difficult to say goodbye to your husband and know that you won't live together for a year. My prayers are with you and thanks again for all you are doing for the good old U.S.A.!!!!!!

Shirley said...

YOu'll do great! It's tough, sometimes, but you can do it!

Loukia said...

Oh gosh I'm tearing up here at work, Jill. Reading this was just so sad. And I'm sorry because I know it will hard, and I know you'll all miss him so much but I bet this year will go by quickly for you all. At least, I hope so. Know that you're all in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo

The Mom Jen said...

My heart aches for you, and you are so strong, I couldn't do it, I'd lose weight just to fit in the suitcase! (((HUGS))) Stay strong beautiful Jill.

Kristen said...

I'm crying as I read this and will be sending many prayers your way.

Goya said...

my wish for you is that your husband is safe throughout his journey as well as you and the kids. sacrifices are difficult but you both seem to have a very strong bond, one that will hold you through the next 53 weeks. god bless you and the family.

Denise said...

Keep crossing off those days on the calendar. Enjoy the time with your kiddos and try your best to relay those moments to Matt, as he'll sure be missing you all. And let people help YOU, as you've got a ton on your plate too Mama.

You've got an aweful lot of people out here rooting for you guys and wishing everyone a safe and swift year.

Kris said...

All the best of luck to you both!

Kris said...

All the best of luck to you both!

katie t said...

hi! i found you thru christy and i am SO GLAD THAT I DID!!!

you are amazing and i can only imagine what you are going thru. i am a single mom of 2 so i kind of know what the future will bring! but you know what???

YOU WILL TOTALLY DO IT, LEARN, AND GROW FROM THIS EXPERIENCE!!!!

but yes. you are human and it will be hard and yes. you are allowed to be sad and to vent...alot!

xoxo and i'll be back!

Simply Mel said...

Hi Jill ~
I'm here via Christy, and I gotta say, I'm not going anywhere. I've just finished reading your blog and am beyond amazed at the strength and positive role you lead every single day. Hoping ALL of you go through these 53 weeks with more highs than lows...
~Melissa

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Andrea said...

I wish there was something I could say to make it better or easier. But I know there's nothing. You will survive this entire thing. And I hope you do talk about the lows and the highs you'll experience this year. We are all hear to listen and offer you whatever support you need.

Hugs.

Lisa said...

Oh Jill...you are one tough Mama. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been/how difficult this will be. Thankful that you have the love & support of your family near by. Praying the next year goes by quickly for you, and that Matt will be back hugging you & whispering sweet thoughts in your ear before you know it...

tagskie said...

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awingandaprayer said...

Dear Jill, had to delurk for this because it damn near broke my heart:-( I've been following your blog for a while and LOVE it. I dont doubt for a minute that you guys will pull through this test too with grace.

Grace and lots of cappucino.

Goddess bless!

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Kate Coveny Hood said...

Hi Jill - Christy sent me. I'm so sorry about this - that is a very long time to be apart. But I'm very much looking forward to meeting you in NYC. By the way - I saw something that help pass the time. Interested in being on a reality show about mom bloggers? http://www.facebook.com/MomCasting?ref=ts

Tina said...

This brought tears to my eyes. I can't even imagine 53 weeks without my husband, without my kids having their dad.

I hope and pray that you discover a strength you didn't know you had. That you view each passing day as being one day closer to seeing him again instead of counting it as another day without him.

You and you're family will be in my thoughts constantly!

Marinka said...

Wow. This was heartachingly lovely. I'm thinking of you and can't wait to meet you in NYC.

Melissa V said...

Oh Jill,

Stay strong, you'll make it. My family did this a couple of times while I was growing up (my father was a pilot in the Marine Corps).

Take care,
Melissa

fsowannabe said...

Oy, my heart hurts reading this. My wife and I had a similar moment at LAX when we had an extended separation. Be strong, do things for yourself (which I see you're doing with BlogHer), and know that the year will be over sooner than you know. Best,

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Debbie said...

Hi, I'm hannah draper's mom, Debbie. I know how hard it is for me to take her to the airport. Can't imagine if I had to say goodbye to her, a husband and kids. I'll be thinking of you and your family...and the dog...since we are "animal people".

Michelle said...

Even though its been a year and a half since I went through this with Joe, reading your post makes it feel like it was just yesterday. Oh how I remember that dreaded goodbye at the airport! Praying for you both and that this time apart passes quickly!

Vodka Mom said...

oh MAN. I hadda read this.

sniff sniff.

Sending you love.

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