I started feeling ill after dinner this evening. Not awful, but there was something. Something just didn't seem right. I laid on the couch while the girls ate their ice cream. They came and sat next to me while they read their library books. I kissed them goodnight and shooed them off to bed while the yukkiness slowly started to take over.
One hour ... two hours ... three hours pass ... and I know that it's not much longer before I'm going to be ill.
I keep the lights off in the bathroom, and I sit on the toilet. Praying for something to happen. I have a plastic bag in my hands and I bend over, breathing deeply. Waiting. It's not too long before my nether regions explode. Sorry. You chose to read this. You could have stopped when you saw the title.
I wash my hands. With soap. And shuffle into bed. My hair pulled back. Knowing that it needs to stay out of my face. Just in case.
I start to fall asleep and the hair clip bothers me. I take it out. Hoping that the vomitous urges either come quickly, or go away. Minutes pass. And neither... so I continue to lay there. I slowly doze off.
Until it hits. Hard. And fast. I charge into the bathroom like a bat out of hell. Like a four year old boy who can't aim straight into the ceramic bowl, I hit everything within a three foot radius. Again. And Again. And Again.
I don't think there's a single thing left in my stomach.
Breathing only through my nose with my mouth slightly ajar, I turn to the sink and begin cleaning myself up. It takes awhile ... because well ... I have LONG hair. And I'm grossed out. Five minutes later, after I brush my teeth, wash my face, wash sections of my hair, and change my shirt, I turned on the lights to assess the rest of the damage.
HOLY $#%&*@&#* DISGUSTING!
The glass of Cabernet Sauvignon I drank with dinner was NOT one of my finer ideas tonight. Nor was eating that second helping of rice pilaf.
The bathroom is now clean. There's an extra towel and a glass of water perched by the sink. Just in case. An hour and a half after I went to bed the first time and I'm ready to attempt to lay down again.
Or not. Round Two feels like it's about to begin. Maybe I should quickly chug a glass of white wine. You know, to balance out the coloring of the next clean up? And get a haircut.
* edited at 12:45 am to say that we're now preparing for Round Three.
** edited again at 3:50 am to say that we're now preparing for Round Four.
This has been a long night...